Why Did She Leave?: Koren Brand

I saw her standing there
Yesterday morning,
Our eyes meet
And when my brain and my heart realize that it is her,
I turn my head
And focus my eyes
Far away.
I know that it breaks her heart
But, pretending she doesn’t exist,
Is my survival of the fittest.
She left me,
Alone, afraid and needing my mom,
And still she chose drugs over me,
And let her friends ruin
The life that she had with me,
And every time I think she’s changed,
She calls me collect, from a recorded prison line.
She leaves me,
Always following other people,
Like a sheep does to a wolf.
And every time I tell her the truth,
It makes her sad.
And being without her,
Makes me mad.
So I pretend she doesn’t exist
And when I ride by her
I’ll turn my head
Which seems much easier
Than letting her break my heart again.
Time and time
I’ll casually ask around about her
Hoping to hear that she’s doing just fine,
Wondering if I cross her mind?
I love her,
But the people around me,
Tell me that she will never change,
Secretly hoping that they’re wrong,
Praying that she is happy and safe.
Dreaming of future days,
Where endings are happy,
And my story is told a different way.
Trying to figure out why I was never enough for her,
And why she would hurt me the ways that she always did?
Does she know that the pain she caused me,
Made it hard to be a normal kid?
I miss her,
But I don’t know if I’m ready to forgive her.

Koren (Korey) Brand is a returning citizen. She is passionate about writing poetry and essays as a form of sharing her experience. Korey wants to change the world and one way she is doing that is by volunteering for The UnPrison . Read Korey’s full bio.